


Tell me love is endless (don’t leave)

by Iaminfactlarry



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Brian Kinney has a heart, Hurt/Comfort, Justin Taylor needs reassurance, Justin listens, M/M, Not a lot though, a lot of love, angst with happy ending, brian talks, brief mentions of bashing, brirf mentions of child abuse, but be safe, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 03:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18380030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iaminfactlarry/pseuds/Iaminfactlarry
Summary: He didn’t know what he was thinking, asking these questions. Brian isn’t the type of guy to say it. He isn’t gonna take his hands and profess that love is endless. No, he’s too pretentious to even admit that he cares about people.





	Tell me love is endless (don’t leave)

**Author's Note:**

> Set in 2x20, instead of Justin going to the loft and finding Brian in bed, he finds him on the roof top. They talk.

“You don’t love me,” he looked at the nighttime sky and how the city lights flickered, “you can’t love me.” 

The men were the rooftop, and the blond was staring vacantly, waiting for his lungs to stop burning, or stop working. His hands were trembling and knees wanted to give out. 

“Don’t-“ The brunette ran his hands through his hair, “you don’t know what I can’t do.” 

the blond, the one who usually shines as bright as the sun, turned around and upon seeing the darkness in his expression, the older man winced. 

“Oh yeah?” The boy scowled, sarcasm dripping through his words, “Go on! Tell me! Tell me that you love me!” 

There was a pregnant pause, and Justin laughed bitterly. He didn’t know what he was thinking, asking these questions. Brian isn’t the type of guy to say it. He isn’t gonna take his hands and profess that love is endless. No, he’s too pretentious to even admit that he cares about people. He scoffed, “See? I fucking knew it!” He spat, “you don’t love me!”

“Is that what you want me to say Sunshine?!” Brian yelled sarcastically, “you want me to say that I can’t live without you? That you give my life meaning?” 

“Brian,” The boy knew that he was just baiting him, “stop. I’m tired of this. You don’t have to say what you don’t feel. What you don’t mea-“ 

“Fucking hell Justin! I do! I love you!” 

The words ripped Justin’s train of thought off of its course. _Excuse me?_ The boy thought, _I’ve been waiting a whole year to hear those words and he just says them?!_

Silence fell over them and both men looked at each other, one shocked that he heard those words and one shocked that he said them. 

“Bri-“

“No, you don’t get to say anything. I love you! And you’re so fucking blind that you couldn’t see it!” The man ranted, his arms flailing around and finger pointed at the blond in anger, “You just thought that because I didn’t say the words-“ 

“That you didn’t love me.” Justin finished his sentence, heart pounding fast and tears streaming down his face. 

“Brian...” the boy started but he didn’t know what to say. What do you say when you’ve been wrong. When you’ ve cheated because you wanted to feel cared for when that care was right in front of you. 

“After what happened,” he started, “after prom, I felt so...small.”

Brian opened his mouth to start talking but shut it, “Michael told me that you let me live with you because of guilt, and I believed him. You kept fucking around-and I know that you’ll never stop- but I felt like I wasn’t enough. That I’ll never be enough. You didn’t visit at the hospital, you cancelled our trip to Vermont, you just kept doing things that... and I was so scared, because I love you. I love you so much that my heart aches and my lungs burn and my skin is waiting for you to touch me again and my brain just replays every single moment we’ve had together and my ears silence everything that isn’t your voice and my mouth is counting down the seconds to when your lips come home to mine and my hands shake at my sides because I want to reach out and hold you. And I love you.”

Justin was breathless after his rant and Brian was just processing. The older man replayed those words over again. It’s so hard for him to admit it, but he feels the same. Home is Justin. 

“Firstly, fuck Michael. I want you here with me. I know I fuck around and for that, I’m sorry. It’s just that... it’s something I can control. When I was young-“ Brian took a deep breath, “I had none. Everything was a mistake. My father beat me to a pulp and I had no control over that. My father yelled at my mother and I couldn’t stop it. My father would move to hit my sister and I’d jump in front of her like it was basic instinct. I couldn’t control it.” 

The blond slowly walked to the brunette and held his hand. He made no effort to look him in the eyes because he knew that just talking about it was hard enough. 

“I don’t even have control over my goddamn sexuality. So I control my sex life. Justin-“ he looked down into the blue eyes, “you hold so much control over me.” 

Justin’s breath hitched but he made no move to talk. This was the most talking his lover has ever done. 

“I visited you every fucking night.” 

“Brian?” 

The older mans eyebrows were furrowed and an expression full of anguish settled in. “I had to see if you were okay. I- fuck!” Frustration ripped from his mouth and he closed his eyes, hand squeezing Justin’s, “I couldn’t do anything for you, so I stayed away.” 

“Bri-“ “No Justin, I couldn’t have done anything. It was all my fault. God sunshine! I played out every single scenario!” 

“Brian, it wasn’t your fault! Please, understand that!” The teen pleaded, “Hobbs was just too scared of his own demons so he attacked me. You didn’t give him the... Brian, you didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“I had nightmares. Hell, I still do. I see it over and over again. I see myself holding you. I see you on the floor.” 

Brian stopped talking for a while and pulled Justin into an embrace, finally feeling like he could breathe. “I canceled the trip because fucking Vance was going to fire me if I didn’t prove that I was worthy.” He said spitefully, “I wanted to go so badly. When I finally got home after making partner, I have champagne and that was the first time I called you my partner.”

“But you didn’t tell me, why didn’t you just tell me?” 

“Control.” Was all that Brian said, and Justin’s heart ached for him. “You don’t need to think you’ll lose control if you talk about your problems Bri. You control your life. No one else. I sure as hell don’t. And I don’t want to.” 

Brian sighed, “I was gonna get you flowers, for your birthday, but I didn’t. Every time you were late, I’d stay up, waiting. You are the best part of my day. I’m not good with words or feelings but you are so much for me and I need you.” 

 

“Jesus Brian, you’re so frustrating.” The blond said, laughing slightly, but it was short. “I don’t want you to go with Ethan. I also don’t want you to stay if you don’t want to.” 

Justin pulled away, eyes shining brightly and a smile forming on his lips, “I don’t love him. I love what he says and how he says them. But, it’s you that I want to hear it from. I’m staying. With you, for as long as you’ll have me.” 

Brian’s lips rolled in and he smirked, tear stains on his face, “I hope forever is okay with you.” 

“It definitely is.” 

 

Justin told Ethan that he chose Brian much to Ethan’s sadness, the musician smiled sadly and wished them luck. “Ever the romantic.” Justin told him. 

“Only for you sweet cheeks.” He said back with a grin. 

 

Brian talked to Michael about what was said and the promises that were made. 

Michael wasn’t too happy, scared that Justin will hurt his best friend, but even the childish man noticed that Justin changed Brian for the best. 

And when they arrived at the diner with matching smirks and identical necklaces, no one said anything. But everyone was thinking the same thing, _‘I want a love like theirs.’_


End file.
